A sexless marriage is a common problem, about 15 to 20 percent of marriages struggle with a loss of sexual desire. Unsatisfying couples start to be angry with each other. they feel suspicion and resentment and the relationship becomes to be a nightmare. Intimacy is necessary to build a strong and happy relationship, also to keep the body and in heth. Sex is not only for pleasure, but it is also a natural stress killer and antidepressant. No sex in a marriage may result in depression and other psychological issues.
It may be surprising that the majority of cases of sexless marriages are because of a husband lost interest in his wife. It is painful if the person who you love doesn’t won’t make love with you, but the truth is that sexless marriage is often because of man’s decision. Sometimes that because he’s a health problem, maybe he struggles with too big stress and sometimes it is emotional and communication problems in the relationship.
However the situation when the husband ignores you sexually is very dangerous for your marriage, there is a risk of divorce and an affair. It was shocking to me when I discover some statistics, only 9 % of males stopped making love with wife because he got an affair but 29% start to chatting their wife after they decide to stop having sex with wife. They steal want sex and looking for a substitute for marriage intimacy in affears or fall in the addiction of online porn and cybersex. So let’s look at common reasons why married men lose interest in sex with wife.
Is my husband depressed?
75% of people who struggled with depression lose interest in sex and 34% of males in sexless marriages confirm that depression is a reason why they don’t want sex with wife.
There is such a paradox because males in depression lost interest in sex but they are more likely to masturbate, watching porn and 24% of males in depression confirm they got an affear. They treat sex like medicine for their depression and in fact, that may help him.
We must remember that depression is a very dangerous disease, especially for males, because they are less likely to look for help, and they are four times more likely to commit suicide.
In the case of depression, professional help is essential if your husband is suffering from depression he should see a doctor or therapist.
Treating your husband’s depression is crucial to the survival of your marriage, and for your sex life. Depression is a silent issue and very difficult to recognize so be careful if you notice some of those symptoms:
- Changes his eating habits
- loss or gain Weight
- Inability to concentrate
- Withdraws and says very little
- Loses interest in his hobby
- Sleeps too much or too little
- frequently seems irritable
- he always is apathetic
It is difficult for a male to admit that he struggling emotionally, he will be more likely to complain about physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach problems, body aches, and pains. It is easier for him to talk about physical ailments.
If you think that your husband is deepest you shout to talk with him about that. Let him know that you are truly concerned about him and tell him about the signs you see in his behavior.
Let him know him that you understand that it hard for him to acknowledge that he is suffering from depression and tell him you think he should go to the doctor.
Erectile Dysfunction is a common problem, many men over the age of 40 suffer from it and 30% of men in sexless marriages admit that this is a reason why they don’t want sex with wife. If a man suffers from ED sex is impossible this situation is very embarrassing for males, with an erection they lose their psychological identity. Only 20% of men with ED ask a doctor about prescriptions because of embarrassment. They don’t even want to try sex because of fear of failure, and they are likely to look for satisfaction in pornography. One man with ED doesn’t make love with the wife and he uses prostitutes simply because failure with a stranger woman was less embarrassing for him.
They are also other sexual dysfunction like premature ejaculation and anorgasmia (the inability to achieve orgasm) but steps to take are the same. A doctor can help with description for pills or some other treatment in the majority of cases, your trouble is to help him with his embarrassment and go with him to the doctor. Some women say that it will be easier if you tell him that you think that he got this problem because of some kind of psychological trauma, it will be less embarrassing for him.
Is my husband hates me?
If he is not depressed and he is in good health it means that you have some kind of problem of communication in your relationship. Statistic says that 44% men in sexless marriage admit that they don’t want sex because they are angry at Wife. Probably your husband will not spew hateful words at you, he will be more likely to be silent and he will don’t want to even talk with you. If he is angry at you he will avoid any physical contact with you, even touching and one day he will start to sleep in another bedroom.
The good news is that he probably doesn’t hate all of you, he hates your behavior or the way you speak to him. Your husband will be angry at you if he always feels criticized and controlled by you. Do not treat him like a child by telling him what to do and when to do it. Men wish to feel independent and they lose sexual desire if they feel centralized all the time. Your husband will be very angry at you if you will share with friends and family secrets that he wants private between the two of you. He would like your relationship to be a safe place, he must know he can tell you things he wouldn’t tell anyone. Let him know that you are interested in his opinion and feelings. Tread him with respect, your husband will won’t have sex with you until he will win his personal battle for respect.
My husband prefers his hand over me.
Now is the time to talk about the most likely reason, why your husband ignores you sexually. Let’s look on a statistic about what married man says as a reason, why they don’t want sex with wife:
- She isn’t sexually adventurous enough for me. 68%
- She doesn’t seem to enjoy sex. 61%
- I am interested in sex with others, but not with my wife. 48%
- I’m bored. 41%
- I prefer to watch pornography online and masturbate. 25%
As you can see this is the majority of all cases of sexless marriages, and these 5 points are in true one simple problem with is possible to fix. They say “She isn’t sexually adventurous enough for me.” and this not about how their wives look like. The wife might be the most beautiful woman on earth, but the real problem is in a male’s sexual nature. This is just routine in sex life and it is not your fault, it is pretty normal in long term relationships. Biological scientists cold this situation as “Coolidge effect” males just start to be bored. “Coolidge effect” suggests that man loses interest if he makes love only with one partner, but his desire can be reawakened by the novelty of a new partner.
… an old joke about Calvin Coolidge when he was President … The President and Mrs. Coolidge were being shown [separately] around an experimental government farm. When [Mrs. Coolidge] came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, “Dozens of times each day.” Mrs. Coolidge said, “Tell that to the President when he comes by.” Upon being told, the President asked, “Same hen every time?” The reply was, “Oh, no, Mr. President, a different hen every time.” President: “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.”
Love is not the same as sexual desire, long term relationship gives safety protection and stability but sexual desire needs danger and adventure. It must to be say that routinely kills men’s sexual desire. After years of relationship, he sees you like a good girl wife and mother of his children and that picture kills his interest in you, you must show him your dark side. As you see 61 % admit “She doesn’t seem to enjoy sex”, it is important for a man to feel desirable. If you show him no passion he will feel rejected, and the rejection will often turn into anger, apathy, or depression.
If Sex life in marriage is boring, monotonous and predictable males start to feel that sex with wife isn’t worth the effort and It’s so much easier to them just masturbate and be done with it. Males prefer watching porn and masturbate because it is an easier way to get sexual satisfaction for them, they fall in the wold of their hidden fantasies. He will not be likely to talk about his fantasies and probably never ask you about anything of that, it is easier for him to look for satisfaction in porn and masturbate. This is the reason why so many men fall into an addiction to pornography.
If you are interested in learning more about male’s sexuality and find ways to improve your sex life for bove of you check online course “Language of Desire” by clicking on the banner below.